Apologies for ending so abruptly last week. There really was a whole wheel of camembert and I’m not talking the ones you get from Tesco or any other leading supermarkets; it was a monster truck wheel size. I ate it all, even the rind, and paid a heavy price for it. Been living like a hermit all week, doubled up with wind from too much creamy dairy. And I had some wild (not erotic) cheese dreams like you wouldn’t believe!
This tenuously links us nicely to this week’s A-Zoo creature ‒ the Hermit Crab!
Hermit crabs are much like real crabs but live in little sea houses that they carry about on their back (the equivalent of a human boy piggybacking a semi detached bungalow). They’re the only sea creature that own their own home (mortgage free and freehold), which is great because there’s major housing crisis beneath sea.
Despite their huge underwater wealth and housing market dominance, they’re incredibly introverted and boring. Like your second cousin Terry: works in recruitment, the one half of a Ford Escort appreciation club on Facebook, NEVER drinks coffee after 6 and is borderline racist. More boring than that.
Hermit crabs never leave home, not even popping out to the shops; they just arrange home deliveries. Every day they stay in watching Top Gear on DAVE. They’re not even agoraphobic they’re just lazy. Could you do that every day? Sitting in your dark, dank house, painting warhammer figures until you pass out from the fumes? Even animator Martin goes out.
Next week, an animal that would love to be a hermit because it’s continuously bullied but can’t because there’s no way it’ll fit through the door. Intrigued? You should be. It’s an Indian Elephant animated gif.
by Jack Purling