The Whale

Well well well, what do we have here? A-zoo, time! Don’t worry though, it will end soon, hush child, don’t cry.

This week we’re having a WHALE of a time. As we explore the WHALE.

(Deepest apologies to Matthew Stogdon, a fan of A-Zoo, who has a huge fear of whales. FIGHT THROUGH THE PAIN MATT)


Whales are like fish but bigger than that and they’re not even fish. They’re mammals like you or a dog.

“Uh, but they don’t have legs mate, how can they be mammals?”

Well that’s just science mate, you’ll have to deal with it.

Whales are named after the country Wales, and Wales was named as such because it looks like a Whale. Well it doesn’t does it? In the olden days, cartographers were a bit naff.

That decision went down a little like this.

Cartographer : “I’ve just drawn a map of that weird lump sticking out of England”

Cartographer’s mate : “What? Norfolk?”

C : “Na mate, the one on the west”

C/M: : “Oh right. Huh, looks like a Whale”

C : “What the flippin heck is a Whale?”

C/M : “It’s like fish but bigger than that and they’re not even fish”

C : “Those thing? They’re called Whales are they?”

C/M : “Yeah, they’re named after Wales”

C : “What’s Wales?”

C/M : “That country you just drew”

C : “………”

C/M : “………”

C : “What the  flip  are you on?”

One of the most famous Whales in the world is “Moby Dick”. As his name suggests, he has a HUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGEEEEEEEE

…musical talent, just like the artist Moby.

Hopefully you can’t tell from this my ideas are wearing thin. Although I guess you would have figured out just now, as I just said it.

Wait NO hang on. What ideas?

These are all facts mate. What are ye on about? Facts galore here. It’s FactTown here, the capital of the good nation of Factistan.

by Jack Purling

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