A-Zoo – Vampire Bat animated gif

It’s coming up to Halloween (in a sense, I know it’s a few months away, but TECHNICALLY, we are getting closer to Halloween, as each second ticks by), so, to celebrate this week’s A-Zoo is pretty SPOOOOKY.

Say hello to the Vampire Bat.


Made from solid oak wood and cursed with the darkest blood magic, Vampire bats have plagued rural farm folk and cricket test matches for centuries. But only at night, which is handy really because most cricket matches are played during daylight hours.

Unfortunately being a rural farm folk is a 24 hour deal, if you happen to be one of those lads, yer outta luck PAL.

You’ll have a hard time slaying this beast, planting a stake into a regular vampire’s cold dead heart is easy enough, it’s all fleshy and sometimes a bit decomposed. Whacking a stake into a bat however is fairly tricky for two reasons.

Unless you have the strength of twenty eight olympian bears, you’re going to have a hard time putting some wood……….into more wood.

The second reason is all the flapping and erratic movements makes it hard to hit.

So what I tend to do is grab it (With some medieval steel gauntlets so it can’t nibble your wrists) and lob it in a wood chipper. Soak it in holy water for good measure. Once it’s dried it’s very useful for kindling, or for smoking meats. Delicious!

byJack Purling

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