Ohh boy, I’ve been dreading this one. Ever since Dragon Fly I realised “Well this is fun and all, lots of animals to yabber on about, but what am I actually going to do when I get to X? Oh well, I’m sure it will be fine”

But now I’m actually here….. Ohh wee, what am I going to do?

Christ on a bike, U was hard enough! I was digging right down to the bottom of the barrel to think of that animal, researched the heck for those facts.

So I need you to bear with me. If you’ve come this far, it shouldn’t be an issue…

This week on A-zoo we’re going to taking a look at that mystical animal…..
The xylophone…..

Yeah you heard right.


Xylophones are little musical lads, hit them with the right force and in the right place they’ll hum out a little tune thanks to science. Don’t whack them too hard, xylophone abuse is a serious issue in orchestras up and down Great Britain & Slovakia.

To get the nice noise, you need to use a specially crafted “ball on a stick” and ding the xylophone on it’s teeth. The amount of teeth can vary with age, in infancy the amount is usually 4, this can increase in adulthood to well over 5.

Sadly, the life of the xylophone is not one sunshine and lollypops. For the last 230 years, xylophones have been locked in a bitter turf war with the rival gang of glockenspiels. It’s fine though really. As both xylophones and glockenspiels are inanimate objects, not much actually happens, to date, not single drop of blood has been spilt in the war. Partly due to, well….. They don’t have blood.

Trust me though, put a glockenspiel and xylophone together in the same room, it will be filled with so much bitter resentment, you’ll be able to cut the tension with a knife, slice it into wedges, boil it up and whack it into a hot oven with a bit of rosemary and garlic, a sprinkle of sea salt. Serve it up with some homemade ketchup. Delicious.

Wait, no that’s potatoes, not tension.

 by Jack Purling

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